That’s why my programme graphic features a sword cutting a swathe across the screen. To say nothing of his unnerving habit of making pointed references to something the subject had said, and totally forgotten, several years ago.Karan Thapar’s ‘To the Point’ has been conspicuously off the air. We proffer, with bowed head, our unconditional apology. Another couple of questions, and I must make tracks’. KT: ‘I say, old chap, have a care will you? You’re on a slippery slope. A technical knock-out’. Instead he agreed to meet us at our unpretentious office, over a cup of matka chai and dhoklas. You should have seen me at Oxford during the debates’. I select my subjects for their high degree of difficulty.

It’ll be an honour, Mr. No? Super. By the way, I hope the dhoklas are not too salty’. Given our shoestring budget, we could not afford to invite the celebrated anchor to a posh 5 star location.’ KT: ‘Damn Kindle and its free downloads. J. We await his reappearance, in another avatar, with bated breath. But Dr. And you call this a table, this battered old school desk? A pox on you’. Top that for alliteration!’SN: ‘Pugnacious, perspicacious? I’ll need a thesaurus. KT: ‘How very perspicacious of you.Thapar.SN: ‘To get back to the two iron ladies, both of them really had you squirming, didn’t they? Your piercing looks and scathing irony did not impress them one bit’. Sorry, I digress’. Tell us, of all the famous people you have interviewed on television, who were the most difficult?’ KT: ‘All of them. Fire away’.Thapar to you, if it doesn’t put you out.SN: ‘Both women’.SN: ‘Er, thank you, I guess. And please take this doggie bag of dhoklas with you. KT: ‘I think I’ve conceded enough brownie points for one evening I’ll have you on my programme next and give you a taste of your own medicine’. And another thing. Bhutto was at Oxford with you may have given her that easy familiarity that breeds contempt. Sartorial elegance personified. Don’t be fooled. The great man agreed to be interviewed in camera, which actually means without cameras, in the convoluted ways of the English language. A pox on you??’ KT: ‘Just an old English expression, when you want to curse or put the mockers on someone. But I do welcome your dripping sarcasm, which is what we love on the idiot box’. T, but they certainly had your measure. The cut and thrust of debate is never better exemplified than to cross swords with a pugnacious foe. The late Benazir Bhutto and the equally late Dr. You have a natural bent for alliteration, my friend. His subjects find his burrowing and darting eyes a bit disconcerting, as if they were caught with their hands in the cookie jar. Pip pip, toodle-oo, mud in your eye, and all that rot’.Satire News (SN): ‘Good morning, Karan. Can we hunker down to the questions?’ KT: ‘I like that, “hunker down”.

The author is a brand consultant who loves music, cricket and good humour. That is a very good description, if a tad understated. Jayalalithaa’.SN: ‘Right. Offence is my best form of defence, even if that meant being offensive. He is sharp, thorough in his preparation and To The Point, to accord his erstwhile television chat show its designated brand name. T. Impeccably dressed, suit and tie or bow tie perfectly synchronised to match his well groomed and distinguished silver grey hair. Calling me by my first name? It’s too soon. SN: ‘I daresay Mr.SN: ‘Actually, we have already read the book Mr. Suggest you order it eftsoons. And speaking of salt, en passant, have you read my book ‘More Salt than Pepper’? Available on Flipkart, Snapdeal and Amazon. KT: ‘No, they’re scrumptious, though I would have preferred fish fingers with mayonnaise. So good of you to agree to be interviewed by us at our modest premises. ‘Array of attacking arsenal’. However, there were two notable exceptions. I see them as innocent sacrificial lambs. KT: ‘Idiot box, eh? Thank you for the compliment, though it sounded distinctly backhanded. From this point on, you’re on a timer.SN: ‘Most interesting, but can you name some subjects who challenged even your formidable array of attacking arsenal?’KT: ‘Hmmm, nice one.

A Satire News exclusive. There’s a special offer on. Could do with a lick of paint’. He speaks in clipped, Oxford accented English. Makes for spicy television. You are right, of course. With our compliments’. We downloaded it for free from Kindle. My audience research tells me that most of my subjects squirmed a goodish bit under my close questioning. You described your premises as modest. More to the point, we know not why.SN: ‘Extremely sorry, Mr. Your acute powers of observation are astounding, my fine, feathered friend. Right, on with the questions. That’s one royalty fee up the spout. Jayalalithaa was something else. Won’t happen again, cross my heart and hope to die. Of course, the fact that Ms.’ Given Karan Thapar’s notoriously elusive personality, Satire News’ dogged persistence finally paid off. These diversions are pleasant but my time is precious. As in, ‘Interesting you should say that Mani Shankar Aiyar, because at an election rally in your constituency in Mayiladuthurai (makes a complete hash of the pronunciation), you said just the opposite, and I quote……. Sometimes, I act submissive, but it is deceptive. KT: ‘You’re too kind. T.. Went out of currency in the 18th century, but I am partial to a brass sign letters smidgen of Ye Olde English. What does it feel like, to be on the other side of the table, in a manner of speaking?’Karan Thapar (KT): ‘Mr. Yes, of course. Prepares the viewer for the thrust and parry’. She had you on the mat and you didn’t last the count. We hardly know each other.’SN: ‘Righty ho, Mr. T, if calling you that is not a liberty.Karan Thapar is one of India’s most respected journalists. You have a way with words. This imagined conversation took place a few weeks prior to his departure. Let’s get back to your question, lest I be accused of dissembling